We’ve all been on the receiving end of this. We’ve been hurt, and the perpetrator, upon noticing his or her misdeed, said ‘sorry’ and then went on as if nothing happened— as if the word alone meant that the world would be changed and the relationship repaired.
And, we’ve all given that same apology to another. When we’re rushing, or we simply don’t care, if the moment requires an apology we offer it. Being Canadian, I am deeply aware of this. Oh, you bumped into me! I’m sorry for being in your way! But actually, I’m not. I just keep things to myself and offer that apology to make sure that you’re ok with the fact that we just bashed shoulders because you’re in too much of a rush to look where you’re going. And you can see here that my apology, based on my underlying feelings, means nothing.
With the High Holy Days approaching, we have much preparation to do in doing t’shuvah (repenting) and repairing ourselves for the coming year. Much of this work will be in figuring out how we’ve wronged others and making amends.
One might think that Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, is enough. The statements of apology, as given through the confessionary prayers known as the viduim, give us the feeling that all accounts will be settled and everything will be fine.
Here’s a bit of bad news, if you believe the statement above. Those confessions alone don’t actually do anything. We’ve got to seriously apologize, in a way that goes way beyond any superficial statement. We’ve got to do a lot of hard work to make reparations.
The good news is that there’s little better than a relationship that you’ve put serious work into repairing. Often, through serious t’shuvah, our relationships end up stronger than ever before.
Take a look and see what our great philosopher and rabbi, Moses Maimonides, has to teach us in his laws of Teshuvah. Try them on for size, and see if this year, you feel a lot better after the Day of Atonement than you ever have before.
They can also lead to high blood pressure when it interacts with generic sample viagra certain medicines like nitrates. If there is any problem of taking the oral pills; they can take this kind of drug. viagra sale mastercard free samples of viagra Over production of sex hormones are also responsible for seminal discharge. This method or treatment involves viagra generico uk Gel ice packs that are wrapped in towels.
If a person transgresses any of the mitzvot of the Torah, whether a positive command or a negative command— whether willingly or inadvertently—when he repents, and returns from his sin, he must confess before God, blessed be, as [Numbers 5:6-7] states: “If a man or a woman commit any of the sins of man… they must confess the sin that they committed.”
How does one confess? He states: “I implore You, God, I sinned, I transgressed, I committed iniquity before You by doing the following. Behold, I regret and am embarrassed for my deeds. I promise never to repeat this act again.”
Teshuvah atones for all sins. Even a person who was wicked his whole life and repented in his final moments will not be reminded of any aspect of his wickedness as [Ezekiel 33:12] states “the wickedness of the evil one will not cause him to stumble on the day he repents his wickedness.”
אי זו היא תשובה גמורה. זה שבא לידו דבר שעבר בו ואפשר בידו לעשותו ופירש ולא עשה מפני התשובה. לא מיראה ולא מכשלון כח.
[Who has reached] complete Teshuvah? A person who confronts the same situation in which he sinned when he has the potential to commit [the sin again], and, nevertheless, abstains and does not commit it because of his Teshuvah alone and not because of fear or a lack of strength.
מדרכי התשובה להיות השב צועק תמיד לפני השם בבכי ובתחנונים ועושה צדקה כפי כחו ומתרחק הרבה מן הדבר שחטא בו ומשנה שמו כלומר אני אחר ואיני אותו האיש שעשה אותן המעשים ומשנה מעשיו כולן לטובה ולדרך ישרה וגולה ממקומו. שגלות מכפרת עון מפני שגורמת לו להכנע ולהיות עניו ושפל רוח:
Among the paths of repentance is for the penitent to
אין התשובה ולא יום הכפורים מכפרין אלא על עבירות שבין אדם למקום כגון מי שאכל דבר אסור או בעל בעילה אסורה וכיוצא בהן. אבל עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו כגון החובל את חבירו או המקלל חבירו או גוזלו וכיוצא בהן אינו נמחל לו לעולם עד שיתן לחבירו מה שהוא חייב לו וירצהו. אע”פ שהחזיר לו ממון שהוא חייב לו צריך לרצותו ולשאול ממנו שימחול לו. אפילו לא הקניט את חבירו אלא בדברים צריך לפייסו ולפגע בו עד שימחול לו. לא רצה חבירו למחול לו מביא לו שורה של שלשה בני אדם מריעיו ופוגעין בו ומבקשין ממנו. לא נתרצה להן מביא לו שניה ושלישית לא רצה מניחו והולך לו וזה שלא מחל הוא החוטא.
[It must be emphasized that] even if a person restores the money that he owes [the person he wronged], he must appease him and ask him to forgive him.
Even if a person only upset a colleague by saying [certain] things, he must appease him and approach him [repeatedly] until he forgives him.
If his colleague does not desire to forgive him, he should bring a group of three of his friends and approach him with them and request [forgiveness]. If [the wronged party] is not appeased, he should repeat the process a second and third time. If he [still] does not want [to forgive him], he may let him alone and need not pursue [the matter further]. On the contrary, the person who refuses to grant forgiveness is the one considered as the sinner.
Hi Rabbi, great food for thought. What does our tradition teach us about how to properly forgive? Thanks, Mike