The philosopher Martin Buber recounts the story of how Rabbi Moshe Leib of Sasov learned how to love (in Tales of the Hasidim). A peasant was sitting in a pub having a drink with a few other peasants. For a long time, he was silent, as were those with him, but after a few drinks, he turned to a fellow and said, “Tell me, do you love me or don’t you love me?” The other answered, “I love you very much!” The first peasant responded, “You say that you love me, but you have no idea of what I need. If you really loved me, you would know.” Rabbi Moshe Leib observed that to love another human being is to know the needs of our fellows and be able to bear their burdens with them.
We can’t always know the struggles of all in our midst, whether family, friends, or distant community members, but there are some things that we do know, and when we don’t, it is upon us to ask and find out how we can be of help, of support, and then help to carry their burdens. Living in community requires that we love or at least care for our fellows, and this means that we do all that we can to share in their burdens.
We know that we, as a Jewish community, are hurting from the rise in Antisemitism. And we know that minorities within our Jewish community, right here at Temple B’nai Abraham, face other forms of hate and discrimination. This includes those in the LGBTQ+ community, with whom we joined in solidarity for Pride Shabbat a few weeks back.
Some of you are aware that a local kosher bakery, West Orange Bake Shop, recently canceled an order of rainbow desserts for Pride Shabbat to a nearby Conservative synagogue. The response from many local colleagues and Federation has largely been to take business elsewhere. While West Orange Bake Shop is within its legal rights to refuse business on these grounds, we are within our rights to choose where we spend our money and buy our kosher products.
Before fully committing to moving our business, I wanted to speak with the proprietor (Rabbi Simeon Cohen from Beth Shalom came as well) to find out firsthand where he stood, and let him know that if they kept this position, we would no longer be able to give them business. I was hoping to see if there was any way that we could find some kind of middle ground. After all, on principle, Jewish unity matters, as does supporting local kosher establishments.
Disappointingly, there was no middle ground. The proprietor insisted in our conversation that he treats everyone fairly and will give business to any human being who walks through his doors (and treat them with kindness). However, he refuses to participate or associate with anything pride related, including putting a rainbow on any baked good even if not specified for a pride event or in pride month, as he expressed that this way of life is against Torah values. When I pointed out that there were other ways of interpreting Torah on this matter, which a significant number of Orthodox rabbis have more recently embraced, he doubled down on his position, leaving no room for religious interpretations different from his own.
Unfortunately, LGBTQ+ rights is still a fault line in the larger Jewish community. Many Jewish establishments, however, for the sake of unity, find a way of not actively engaging on this matter and simply selling their goods per the orders that come in. This is and will not be West Orange Bake Shop’s approach, per our conversation.
If this weren’t enough, he also asked us, “How is you not shopping here going to affect me? Your people don’t shop here.” It appears that our members who shop there, our synagogue’s orders from them, and the birthday cake I ordered for my son’s birthday, are insignificant to the proprietor.
As I mentioned before, to love our community members is to care about what they are facing and share in their burdens. The LGBTQ+ community still faces hate and persecution, and we have a religious imperative, to human beings, to Jews, and to our TBA family members, to stand in solidarity and support in the face of such practices. In this case, it means being an ally, and at the least, not supporting those who actively take steps against them.
We are one big family. Here at TBA, we choose care and we choose love.
Please see this JTA article for more details: https://www.jta.org/2023/07/06/united-states/a-kosher-baker-rejected-a-synagogues-order-for-rainbow-pride-treats-the-firestorm-has-been-fierce
For information on Jewish support for the LGBTQ+ community, check out these organizations:
- Eshel (their mission is to build LGBTQ+ integrative Orthodox Jewish communities).
- JQY (Jewish Queer Youth; they support and empower LGBTQ Jewish youth with a special focus on teens and young adults from Orthodox, Chassidic, and Sephardi/Mizrahi communities).
- Keshet (they work for the full equality of all LGBTQ Jews and our families in Jewish life in all its forms).
- Rabbi Mike Moskowitz’s page (a great source from a rabbi with three ultra-orthodox ordinations).
Many traditional kosher bakeries take a far more inclusive and caring approach. We encourage you to support them, including Supreme Bakery in West Orange and Butterflake Bakery in Teaneck (their challot are particularly delicious, whether chocolate, cinnamon, or rainbow, and they ship!).
A sweet, loving, cool, and peaceful Shabbat to you all.
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